Ben

A week ago, Ben sat down and tried making small talks with me. I wasn't ready to have these small chats (and I have been very edgy lately) because in the past, it all leads to him wanting me to buy new stuff for him... expensive stuff to be exact, well into the thousands of dollars. I have been so sick of all his demands and his "dreams" to own this and that, so naturally I was pushing him away. On top of all these pressures he has been giving me (he never gives up), I was feeling very bruised because every month, we are spending way beyond what we should and I am nervous - what if I have no money to pay the next few month's rent (we live in an upmarket district so that he can get on a direct bus to school.... see, I make all these sacrifices for him). So, his small chats with me only make me throw sarcastic remarks at him.

Now, Ben is a smart boy and he knows I have been real pissed with him and with everything else. I think he wanted to hear me say for certain why I am angry with him. So I did and I asked him what is actually wrong with him and his attitude. I asked him why he cannot put himself in my shoes and understand what I have to go through, blah blah, and that I am growing old and my energy is diminishing and would he want me to end up destitute and in my twilight years continue to slog for a living working in MacDonald's??? To be honest, I am so scared. I just wanted him to cooperate with me. We don't need to keep up with the Joneses.

There and then, he promised he would change and be a good boy and that he would also go to church every Sunday. I told him I am real skeptical because I have given him so many chances but his attitude had been very corky and negative.

This morning (Sunday), he woke up early (before me) and went to church!

I hope it portends more happy and positive things in the near future.

I don't mind working very work and making the necessary sacrifices all for the right reasons.

I am happy he understands.